Attending a recent early morning meeting, I was taken with the abundance of unspoken words. Just looking around the group was a vast array of stance, shifting, hand shaking, eye movements and a volume of language before the first word was ever spoken. The early work in body language is typically credited to Charles Darwin and Sigmund Freud, but I think we learn the most from cavemen and poker players. It is interesting science to be sure, but the reality is that we humans have relied instinctively on body language for thousands of years. Cavemen certainly needed body language if for no other reason than other communication did not fully exist. If you have ever played a good game of cards, you can learn a lot by just looking at the movement around the table to see who is bluffing.
Body language has evolved in spite of human tendencies. We humans do have a tendency for lies, deceit, manipulation and pretending. Masking our true feelings just seems to be in our nature. It would seem that body language has evolved as a type of guardian angel to work to keep us at least a little honest. Body language works to help us communicate and resolve issues when the words just fail us.
Darwin’s book The Origin of the Species was far outsold by his other book called The Expressions of the Emotions of Man and Animals published in 1872. In this work, Darwin discusses the six universal emotions of happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise and anger. The general idea is that man’s expression and the ability to recognize them are inborn and universal among people. You could smile in the most lost, remote part of the word, and it will mean the same thing as if you were saying thank you to the waitress at Cracker Barrel. It is a part of human evolved nature, genetically inherited, not driven by social learning and conditioning.
But……As study in this area has grown, we understand that there is a nature and nurture component. Cultural and ethnic differences as well as age and gender, all play into how we understand each other. Think for a moment on the most simple of greeting: The Handshake.
Body language involves consideration of the hands to a very high level, and it is no wonder. The hands have more nervous system connections to the brain than any other part of the body. Tactile sensitivity and manual dexterity are clearly human traits, and we should not take it for granted when we are speaking. How many of you can quite literally say very little should you be forced to put your hands behind your back? We use our hands for emphasis, illustration, conscious signaling and greetings as well as the unconscious signals. Body language research supports the idea that we just say more with our hands than practically anything else. It has been suggested that the handshake evolved to show that no weapon was in the hand, as did the open palm gesture. But a handshake isn’t everything that we may think. While a good, firm handshake is looked for and expected in business, too firm, and you may come across as domineering. A good handshake from a woman today goes over a lot better than the curtsy that we were relegated to a century or so ago.
So what does your handshake say about you? Palm down and you may be a bit domineering. Palm up is too submissive. A two handed shake suggests honesty, but shake my hand while clasping my forearm and you just stepped over to controlling and arrogance.
Who knew that we could say so much while saying so little?
love your blog.
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